Friday, August 23, 2013

Not In The Same Room

Dear mom,

There has been so much going on and there hasn't been much time for me to give our relationship a lot of thought. I mean, it could have something to do with the fact that every time I open this can of worms, it leaves me sad and a little frustrated.

It completely amuses me that we are not in a place in our lives where we are comfortable being in the same room. I know I have perpetrated some wrongs, as well as you have. Regardless, it boggles the mind that we always have that awkward look in our eyes whenever the other is around.

Like how my back tenses up if you walk in during a conversation I'm have with dad. It's almost as if I can feel your disappointment at the nape of my neck. Your critical stare burns like red coals and I avoid your glance at all costs.

It can't be too easy on your side either. There are times when I unconsciously throw you a scowling glare. There are also times that I roll my eyes so hard at comments you make, I'm surprised they haven't gotten stuck.

The whole thing is weird and rather annoying. For so many years I have been trying to get through to you. Resorting to not speaking to you is the cowards way out. And besides, you ARE my mother and I honestly don't want to cause more damage than has already been done between us. It seems, however, that you like it this way - me wanting answers and you refusing to give them to me.

Eventually you'll come around. I just hope I'm around to witness it.

Until then,

Your daughter

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