Missing Pieces

Dear Mom,

You know that I love working on puzzles. They're a great way for me to relax and focus. But you already knew that, huh? Is that the reason you liked to do all sorts of puzzles when I was growing up. Did it allow you to get away from the day's work?

Jigsaw puzzles seemed to be your favorite. And when we would go on vacations, you would always have your Variety book full of word puzzles. As you got older, I noticed, that Soduko became your puzzle of choice, along with Mahjong. You loved to do puzzles, didn't you?

I guess that's why I am into puzzles so much. I mean, I did try to mimic you in certain ways. Quietly hoping you would notice the little similarities as I would do the same types of puzzles. Word games are my thing though, crosswords and such.

We do, however, both like jigsaw puzzles. One thousand pieces and above, right? I know. It amazed me when dad let me have a few of your old puzzles to put together that were stored in the basement of the new house. There are so many of them, I didn't know which to choose.

Funny thing is, I have put two out of the three puzzles that he let me pick out. Each one has a piece missing. Not a bunch of pieces in a space or scattered throughout. Just one single piece was missing. It kind of bugged me a little. I started to put together the third puzzle but I got really frustrated and took it apart.

It's rare that I dismantle a puzzle before its completion without trying to retry at my efforts. For whatever reason, the box just sits on the table, awaiting me to try again. Truthfully I don't know if I will. Maybe it's because I'm afraid there will be yet another piece missing.

It pains me that as much as I love to put puzzles together, this time it's hard for me to be up to the challenge. I know it has more to do with the fact that these puzzles belonged to you.

It's not because there is just a piece missing. The New York puzzle I bought was missing an entire corner and it didn't bug me the same way. I mean, it irked me a little but that was because I don't like leaving puzzle incomplete.

I am honestly afraid that I will never be able to put one of your puzzle together completely. Maybe the pieces went missing during your move to the new house. Who knows? But until I finally find all the pieces to at least one of your puzzle, I don't think I will find the same joy in putting any puzzle together; whether it be yours or not.

It's so ironic how you still have a way of effecting me even though we aren't around one another. No matter how much I try to shake you from my system, your rules and your ways creep into my existence. Sometimes I don't know whether to be annoyed or just go with it. You are my mother - by birth at least.

One of these days I'll get back to the puzzle and maybe it will become a beautiful picture of a flowered pathway by a pond - with no missing pieces.

Until then,

Your daughter

Puzzling

Dear Mom,

Many times I sit and try to think of times when we were happy. Times that we smiled and laughed with each other. Sometimes, sadly, nothing comes to me of positive origin, clouded by the forces of negativity. Every now and then, though, a ray of light will shine through reminding me that we weren't always enemies.

When I was young, you used to love doing jigsaw puzzles. And you never got them small. You dealt with mostly 3500 piece puzzles, which seemed so large to me back then.

You would sit in the kitchen alone, staring at fragments, placing them here or there. The box's top would sit upright so that you could view the picture you were trying to recreate with all the broken up portions. You would start first with the edges and fill in the middle begininng with the most vivid sections.

Mostly, you sat by yourself, contemplating the hundreds of pieces that lay on the kitchen table waiting to be placed in the picture. Other times you actually didn't mind my sister and I getting in on the action, allowing us to put together the rest of a drawbridge or the flowers in a small garden.

We all would laugh and talk about whatever. You would praise us if we got a piece right and let us know if we put the wrong piece in the wrong place. When we weren't helping you, you just sat and stared, for hours at a time it seemed like. Do you remember?

A few weeks ago I decided I wanted something to let my mind wander. I remembered this time in my life and decided to get a puzzle. Now, I sit and stare. It's actually quite relaxing to tell you the truth. The first puzzle kind of let me down because the company forgot to send the upper left corner. It was unfinished, even when I finished it.

I had to get another one to put the first to shame. So, I just finished Fern Grotto Wedding.

Isn't it pretty.

Now, anytime I feel down about something that has to do with you, I sit in front of a puzzle and stare, slowly putting the pieces together. I figure doing these puzzles will help me begin to get rid of some of my negative emotions. It's a really helpful tool so far.

By the way, I've added a page where you can keep up with the puzzles I finish. Have a look.

Until then,

Your daughter


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